Old Bands for Old Heads; Sexism in music.

By Grave Matthews.

Now before I set the internet on fire I would like to preface this by saying I do not hate women, I in fact love women, in fact I would like to say women are beautiful and I would very much like to have sex with them and I will stand by that remark in this courtroom of the internet with my hand on the bible of the internet which I guess is Wikipedia, I’m touching Wikipedia right now so just remember I want to have sex with women and if I’m lyin’ I’m dyin’.

Now normally I have my own thoughts, like how more people should write poetry about beer, that’s a thought I just had, something like “Beer on a summers day? Sounds alright don’t it Dave.” That weren’t bad actually, don’t steal that.

But I saw this comment and I said to myself, I said to myself, now hang on a minute, this is correct and I’m not even the one to say it.

Because it’s really true, it IS harder for men in music nowadays in multiple ways, just look at the Billboard top 10 if you don’t believe me.

You see what I mean? Out of the Top 10 only 9 of them are men, but more importantly only 5 of those are men by themselves, 4 of them had to have women on the song as well to get it on the charts, they had to add a woman to THEIR song because they knew that no one would listen to their music without some sex appeal.

See back in my day it was all about the music, you didn’t listen to ABBA because you wanted to fuck them, apart from the women who you did want to fuck, you listened to them because they made good music and the fact you wanted to fuck the women was secondary.

Some women did make music and of course we wanted to fuck them but also they made actual songs, songs that mattered written by men.

But at some point women realised they don’t actually need to make good music, they just have to exist and be objects and men will throw money at them & it’s fucking heartbreaking.

There is no talent there, Haim just kick back in an L.A. mansion and every now and again show a bit of shoulder, meanwhile poor Ed Sheeran is in a slightly smaller mansion, I’d bet he can see their mansion and he thinks to himself “If I ony had that extra 200 feet I could have the second pool my heart desires.”

Just go to any Chappell Roan show and you’ll notice that the crowd is all 45 year old dudes like me with hard ons because there’s a woman in the vicinity, there’s no talent there she just dresses good, we will buy fucking anything, any old tripe if you flash a bit of skin so they’ve just stopped trying entirely, content to settle into the male gaze.

Meanwhile men? I won’t buy shit made by a man, because I don’t want to fuck them and because all of my money is gone on buying fucking Gaga merch on the off chance that she looks at my email address and decides my name sounds sexy as hell and she has to fuck me, for a second just take a look at poor Benson Boone.

Now he has everything you want a man in music to have, average to medium musical talent, backflip, note to self: come up with a third thing before you publish this.

And he’s out there having to demean himself just to try and have what women are gifted with at birth: having all of us want to have sex with them, he has to wear skin tight outfits that show his package and do sexy lil backflips constantly, show his abs on album covers. It’s fucking heartbreaking to watch, and what does he even have to show for it? A few paltry shows? A number one single? Being the THIRD headline at Coachella? Underneath two WOMEN? Peanuts, chump change.

He should have the world and we have all failed him¹.

It’s never been harder for men to break into music and the easiest solution seems to be demeaning ourselves by selling ourselves as simple sex objects, hoping that somewhere out there a woman will get whatever the female equivalent of a hard on is, but this is not the way, no, we should go back to simply relying on raw mediocrity and not judge men the same way we judge women.

So next time you go to listen to a woman because you want to fuck them just do what I do and check out a small underground man band, like I just found Imagine Dragons, do I want to fuck them? No, but they sure do make music.

1. i burst out laughing writing this line