BOOtiful new world, where u @

in my garden there are three pigeons and two doves, i have seen and cried to the new superman, i have seen that dumb dumb hope, i have held, i have smashed and shattered, i have five things, i have had my hand squeezed by a stranger during the mr rogers doc, i have not been forced to see a sunset, i live when gail simone is writing uncanny x-men!!!,,,,,!!!,,,,,

& plus i have so many socks, too many socks, in the year 1500 people would think i was a fucking king cause of all these socks, there’s a wall opposite that has had a can of coke SITTING IN THE SAME SPOT FOR A YEAR, do you know how much will power that takes for a can of coke? to survive winds that took down a tree in my garden? to survive the seagulls that hang around cause the wall is next to the bin of the kebab shop?

i love that can, i love that stuff, that people, i try to love it all.

when i was younger me and my friend put a kfc bag in a tree and we said to each other we said “when this bag is gone, our friendship is done.” and the bag remained & so did he, so did i, everything a promise cause it has to be.

i have always wanted to be a tiny idiot getting smushed by a giant cartoon hand while flipping the bird to the giant cartoon hand and isn’t that self centred.

i have always wanted to be covered head to toe in medical grade slime and not explain it to god or me or god 2 or god me or god 3 and isn’t that gross.

i have always wanted to swallow an egg whole so i don’t have to crack it cause it feels like a waste of beautiful and ain’t that precious.

i have always wanted to skate board into the grand canyon and isn’t that something.

i have always done the same song and ain’t that special.

i have always wanted.

“i’m actuawwy weawwy mad wight now.” i say to the cop in my elmer fudd voice cause i do elmer fudd when i’m angry outta some kind of fight/flight/elmer fudd response.

my girlfriend is watching the olympic skating & a dude is crying cause he did well & he is so loved, the world is his right now and of course it is, it always should have been.

they cut to someone in the crowd whose mouth was a void and this is their life now, haha, oop.

okay right, so a man walks into a bar and he says.

“i’ve spent a lot of time on here trying to be better? i have spent time trying to be understood? and i have spent equal time trying my best to not be understood? i’ve always wanted one or the other, but i don’t know which till when it is, and maybe i know this? i think i know deep down how to be. cause we all know everything right? which is terrifying. hey, is this thing on? anybody, uh, anybody ever wanna just take a day off from knowing too much? no one? okay, okay. so, uh, anyway back to what i was talkin’ about. so i guess my thesis is, there isn’t such a thing as weird, or different, we’re all just people, i’m you, you’re me, only some people are better at getting the point they WANT to make across, not like me i guess, haha, i envy those, cause, it it’s uh, the internet is like the tower of babel for me a lot of the time, it’s bags in bags in bags in bags in bags y’know?”

then he leaves i guess, i don’t fuckin’ know.

“i am scared all of the time. i’m angry all the time.” then his trousers fall down and he shrugs like what ya gonna do, one person laughs real loud, everyone else sits on their hands.

“chris pratt is mario.” he sez. everyone nods, holy shit, this man is telling the truth, this, this is the fucking truth we’ve all been waitin’ for! they all nod and snap their fingers in appreciation.

“SO, YOU, UH, YOU THINK CHRIS PRATTS MANAGER CALLED HIM AND SAID HEY CHRIS PRATT YOU GOT THE CHRIS PARTT?”

the audience smiles, they can finally let go, this guys gonna be just fine without them.

but maybe being understood is less important than being? and maybe that’s been taken from us? or from me? nothings been taken from me? when i close my eyes there’s nothin’ but i feel like there should be something, but also everything has to be something and to be nothing is bad, but we’re all just nothing, some are more something, but something is just nothing with “some” insteada “not” i guess and isn’t that something? isn’t that a punk song, where they scream i’m nothing for 2 1/2 minutes, isn’t that a punk song?

hands.

but you are just as valuable as everyone else and what you do, do importantly, with a blessing/curse, cause only you can do it! bestow that shit! decree that shit! whatever it may be! as long as it’s not hate! don’t do that! i will punch you! don’t you fuckin’ preach hate! it’s all too beautiful & fragile! and again! i will punch you! i can bench 100kg and have been told by doctors that my veins are not easy to find!

i’ve tried being understood; cut to black room, absent of light enter tiny man in a cartoon-ish hat saying “well hold on now pardner, you’re makin’ this all about you, have you tried to be more universal?”

“uh, yeah, i’ve been stars” i mutter. kickin’ at rocks. “i’ve totally been blockbuster.”

i wrote my friends eulogy & i ended it with “a man walks into a bar and he says.” and then i mic dropped, i can’t remember if there was meant to be a joke, or if the fact there wasn’t a joke was a joke? i can’t remember much, i remember i found out he died on instagram, i remember crying after that and after that and after the after of the ever after of it all, i remember every cigarette i’ve ever had, i remember him all the time.

i am swinging a microphone wildly hitting innocents, just screaming to myself that brands want you to think you also have to be a brand, but you don’t have to be a brand, you just don’t, you can be you and be happy and not be toothpaste, you can choose to TRY to be happy even though you know right now u can’t! you can fail, you can try! you’re whole! you’re a fuccin’ egg! your best work won’t be here! it won’t be!

and then and then and then there will be a tube advert with like a smiling bear lassoing someone trying to throw themselves in front of a train and yanking then back with a thought bubble saying “traffic jams are unBEARable, think about the other commuters before you jump!” and it will make you feel worse! there’ll be an ad for a tuna that promises if you eat it seven times a day you’ll be happy! but it won’t! you hate tuna! it will all make you feel worse! but you can try cause you could everything, you could and you won’t and you will and isn’t that simplistic.

and and and and and i can’t take it! i can’t take the cynics! the sarcasm! the teens funerals! the meanies & all inbetweenies! i want big hearted! i want fucking hope! i want everyone i love who has died back! i want john wayne to appear and save my life and then casually shoot me in the head on the way out when i am least expecting it! i want an endless hope that everyone can muster! i want to come off as genuine! i want to not be insincere! i want to change your tyre! i want to change your tyre and not come off as a dickhead! i want to lose my shit at your wedding! probably in a good way! i want to on my death bed say i tried, i really tried to love it all, even when it don’t love me back! i want to explode in a wet puddle of confetti! for you! if only i could figure out how you would want that.

i used to think hundreds millions would make me happy, 10,000 faults when all you need is a fork, and it probably would, but also i am so loved with nothing, i have been nothing and known unconditional, even when i couldn’t bring myself to care about hair & i wish that for you, i wish that for you with every fibre of my being, i vibrate with anger that you could know less than that, that you could possibly for a second think you deserve less than that, i am angry at myself i can’t give that to you and isn’t that self centred, isn’t that something.

i love you and i probably always will and i will scream for you, or i’ll try, and i’ll never stop, or i’ll try, and it’s okay, or we’ll try, cause like what else we got goin’ on really?

love me, chris best.